Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
