it was like eating out sand paper
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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