i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
