hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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