Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
