Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
