She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
