I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
