just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize