she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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