1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
