So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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