I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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