wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
