R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
