my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
