Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
