Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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