it was like eating out sand paper
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
