...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
