I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
