Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sex in a hospital.. check
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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