Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
