Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
