If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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