The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
