Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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