I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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