cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
