I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
