Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
