Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
MIDGETS
????
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
