so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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