stop calling my apartment porn island.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
