Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
