My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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