he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
