I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
