Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
