I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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