I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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