I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
