dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
