my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
