I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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