If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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