doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
