but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize