Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
