Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
