i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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