oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
