i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
