I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
