I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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