I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think your dad took our porno
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
