Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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