I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize