We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
