those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
