you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
