Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
