I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
