and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
