So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I see more hoeing in ur future
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
